Monday, August 10, 2009

Things Change with the Wind

Friday's u/s made me full of hope. Yesterday's dashed it. Lining DECREASED (???) from 9.3 to 7.7 (or 8.4 if you count her second measurement). What is up with that? No clue. Just something else to worry about. Follicles seemed good, though. So that was positive. I presumed I would trigger Monday (after so many IVFs it seemed clear to me!). But, when they called they said to trigger that day at 9:30pm. Totally took me by surprise. Not happy. Now so many follicles won't have a chance to grow, which means less mature eggs at retrieval. I presume it was because my E2 shot up to 2434, but I wanted one more day. More eggs. More chances for a good one. This is our last IVF. I just want it to work. Both the lining decrease and the early trigger were clear reminders of my lack of knowledge and my lack of control. I want to know everything. I want to control as much as I can. But, especially with this process, there is so much that I cannot control. *sigh*

Egg retrieval is tomorrow. (No shots at all today, a nice reprieve!) I am so nervous. Not only do I hate the lack on control, but I worry about the number of eggs. Again, though, nothing much that I can do. Nothing I can do about how many are mature....or how many fertilize...or the quality of the embryos...or or or or...

Going to try to focus this afternoon on school stuff, instead of this cycle. Can't believe that school starts in less than a month and I am so unprepared. Scary. Most of the teachers I've spoken to have done a lot of work already. I am so behind. Anyway, need to just focus on what I am going to do today. Just today. So hard, though.

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