Sunday, August 16, 2009

Still Waiting

Okay, I'm really not getting anything done. I can't stop thinking about this cycle, prior cycles, childlessness, infertility. Very depressing. Not conducive to preparing for the school year, which starts much too soon. Need to get out of my own head.

One week until I can POAS. Not that I'm counting or anything.

Food and Failure
Can I just say how absolutely tired I am of eating my acupuncturist-approved diet? I am sick of sprouted bread, millet porridge, leafy green veggies, whole grains, lentils, etc. I want a nice, big bowl of ice cream...some cheerios with MILK...a cup of coffee (decaf would be just fine)...a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on white bread. But, I'm being "good." Don't want to be able to blame myself for eating poorly and causing this cycle not to work. Not that it's going to work anyway. Which makes this whole "being good" thing even harder -- or more ridiculous, depending on how one looks at it. Not that it's really that big of a deal in and of itself. It's just that I feel like the last 3+ years of my life have not been my own. Have been controlled by this one, seemingly unattainable, goal. I have never put so much effort into something...only to fail time and time again.

1 comment:

  1. I think that's the hardest thing, the most frustrating thing... I've never worked harder at anything in my life, and this is the one and only thing that I have consistently been unable to do.