Thursday, August 6, 2009

Fragments of the Past

School is starting in less than a month. I need to start getting ready. I am worried that between the cycle and other stresses, I won't be able to do what I need to do....Of course, what teacher isn't stressed about being prepared for the school year? Anyway, I started to clean my "backroom"...the room with all of my school stuff as well as tons of miscellaneous, well, crap. A first step in getting to that school stuff. It was even harder than I thought it would be.

Interspersed with all of my school stuff were fragments of the past. Our first consult with Boston IVF. Trigger times for medication. Follicle sizes. Little notes of encouragement from DH. Not to mention non-infertility related gems. It was so overwhelming. All that hope we had with each cycle. All that hope gone. How do I continue to move forward? Each step is just harder and harder.

It is amazing what an all encompassing impact infertility has. My sense of self. My work. My relationships. What I eat. What I do. What I don't or can't do. Funny even in therapy we are postponing discussions of things until after the cycle is over...

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