Support

Had a joint shrink session with DH yesterday. Was actually very helpful. I think we both understood better (of course, not completely) where the other one was coming from. Poor DH is both depressed from this ttc journey and worried about me. Me? Well, overwhelmed. In despair that this last cycle will not work and I cannot imagine living life without children. Can't bear the thought of life-long heartache. (Hence the suicidal thoughts...Made a promise, though, that I would not act on those thoughts. Can't help them from being there, though. I just can't imagine things getting any better and I can't imagine continuing on as miserable as I've been.)

Anyway, we both were in a better space after the session...Even cleaned our apartment! Looks soooooo much better! Which lifted our spirits just that little bit more. Had a nice dinner with S (step-daughter) and her girlfriend. AND, I actually slept some last night...4 hours straight and then on and off for the rest of the night. It was a miracle!!! Maybe talking really does help!

In terms of support while my shrink is away during the 2ww, I called the woman we saw to discuss donor sperm. She really seemed to understand the trauma of infertility and multiple losses. So, I'll see her during that time (in addition to whoever is covering for my shrink). I think that I need to put some other supports in place as well. Though, I'm not sure what they should be. I just know that I will be in a dark place if this last IVF fails as well.

Well, maybe yesterday will help put me on the path to a slightly better frame of mind for this IVF...at the very least, I haven't cried yet today!!!!!