Friday, August 14, 2009

Embryo Transfer and Stress

Embryo Transfer
The embryologist called at 7:30 Thursday morning. Three PERFECT embryos were crying out to her "pick me! pick me!" [Yes, the embryologist actually said this!] So transfer was set for 9:30 that day. Since DH was/is sick with a stomach bug, a friend of mine drove me to the appointment. Very sweet of her. All went well; although, a few things annoyed me. First of all I should point out that my bladder was very, very, very full -- leaving me a bit cranky -- and DH wasn't there so I was feeling somewhat alone. I had to wait quite a while on the lovely table waiting for the RE and when she arrives she wants to talk to me about only putting in two embryos (had already discussed with embryologist who encouraged me to only put in two since they looked so perfect). RE said she was very concerned about the possibility of triplets. Yeah, right. Has she read my history? 5 losses, 3 IUIs, 1 FET, and 6 IVFs?!? Yes, she assures me, she knows my history. Hence the conversation otherwise she would have insisted on two. Eventually she acquiesces, much to my relief as I REALLY have to pee! Embryo transfer is tricky because of a little kink in the path...not fun because, as I mentioned before, I really have to pee! All little swish on the monitor as the little embryos go in. Neat. Then everyone leaves the room and I must lie on the table all by myself and wait. Did I mention that I really have to pee!?!? I thought I was going to cry. Passed the time by looking at the picture of our three little embryos and trying to run various mantras through my head. 10 minutes later...(and by now a full hour has passed)...I got to go pee! Peeing never felt so good!

Dark, Milk, and Peanut
DH and I have always named our little embryos. Actually he has usually chosen the names. We've done the three (well 4 b/c we had one to freeze) musketeers, the three stooges, FDR and Eleanor, the Andrews sisters, etc. This time I named them without DH and I specifically did not pick people names. Besides, I am tired of picking the names of DEAD people! So now we can just refer to our three current embryos collectively as the M&Ms: milk, dark, and peanut. I kind of like it. [Especially peanut; makes me smile.] DH is not so happy because he didn't pick them. Too bad. He wasn't there when I got the picture. My turn.

Other than the stress of this cycle, which is weighing heavily on my brain. I am thinking a lot about our prior losses. Two of them in particular. Often, that extreme having-to-pee feeling (among other things) will trigger thoughts of our first loss. We conceived naturally after only 2 months trying. All seemed well. We talked about names. Our friends gave us stuff for the baby. We blissfully went for a check up at 10 weeks. Didn't hear any heart beat. Hmmm. Went for a vaginal u/s (hence the very full bladder...and they took a while, so I REALLY needed to pee!). DH held my hand. U/S tech looked concerned. I knew something was wrong. DH was oblivious. U/S tech asked me if I was sure about how far along I was. I started to cry. DH looked bewildered...until the tech said the sac looked about 6 wks. No baby. All our dreams and hopes and plans crushed instantly. Devastating.

Anyway, I think I need to stop writing now. Will blog more later. More stresses to write about. Might help me deal?

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